Monday, September 11, 2017

The Cost of a Child




The government recently calculated the cost of raising child from birth to 18 and came up with $160,140 for a middle income family. Talk about sticker shock. That doesn't even touch college tuition. For those with kids, that figure leads to wild fantasies about all the things we could have bought, all the places we could have traveled, all the money we could have banked if not for (insert child's name here). For others, that number might confirm the decision to remain childless.

But $160,140 isn't so bad if you break it down. It translates into $8,896.66 a year, $741.38 a month, or $171.08 a week. That's a mere $24.44 a day. Just over a dollar an hour. Still you might think the best financial advice says don't have children if you want to be rich. It's just the opposite.

Tuesday, July 18, 2017

Weird Words of Wall Street



What do dead cats, gunslingers and zombies have to do with investing? In the often cockeyed parlance of Wall Street, each has a very specific meaning. Here are a few examples of Wall Street's more colorful terms:
Air Pocket Stock
A stock whose price plunges like a 747 hitting an air pocket - usually caused by shareholders rushing to sell on unexpected bad news.
Chastity Bonds
A bond that may be redeemed at par value after a takeover.
Dead Cat Bounce
When stock prices rebound right after a precipitous market decline. Even a dead cat will bounce if it falls far enough, right?
Dwarfs
Pools of income-oriented, mortgage-backed securities - issued with maturity of 15 years by the Federal National Mortgage Association (better known as Fannie Mae).
Elephants
Large institutions like mutual funds, pensions, banks and insurance companies whose voluminous trades can dramatically impact stock or bond prices.
Elves
The 10 technical analysts who forecast stock price movements on PBS's "Wall Street Week" television program.
Fall Out of Bed
When a stock's price drops on negative news about the company.

Saturday, May 27, 2017

On Science and Spirit

A thermodynamics professor had written a take home exam for his graduate students. It had one question: "Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your answer with a proof."
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So, we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving.
I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we can look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:
#1 If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
#2 Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls entering Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So, which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Therese Banyan during my Freshman year, "It will be a cold night in Hell before I sleep with you", and we take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then #2 cannot be true, and so Hell is exothermic.
The student got the only "A" in the class.

Monday, March 13, 2017

21 Simple Tips



ONE Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

TWO Marry somebody you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

THREE Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.

FOUR When you say, "I love you," mean it.

FIVE When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.

SIX Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

SEVEN Believe in love at first sight.

EIGHT Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.

NINE Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

TEN In disagreements, fight fairly. Please No name calling.